Links

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/nyregion/on-recycling-nyc-goes-from-leader-to-laggard.html?ref=nyregion

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/nyregion/a-diverse-new-york-city-in-some-ways-anything-but.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=nyregion

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/sports/baseball/world-series-dugout-phones-last-bastion-of-the-landline.html?src=mv&ref=sports

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/opinion/sunday/will-dropouts-save-america.html?pagewanted=2

RE: Councilman Daniel Garondnick: the Masonic District EDITS

City [UPPER CASE] councilman Daniel R Garodnick[,]OMIT COMMA was born in raised on the East Side, and elected to the New York City Council on November 8, 2005.  Located in the East Village and the Lower East Side, Garondnick’s district is known as the 4^th Manhattan Masonic District. SHOULD THIS LAST BIT OF INFORMATION BE IN QUOTES?

[NEW PARAGRAPH] With a background in education advocacy and civil rights, Garodnick was a representative for the Partnership of New York City in the Campaign for Fiscal Equity lawsuit.  Before he joined the city council, Garodnick was the director of New York Civil Rights Coalition's "Unlearning Stereotypes: Civil Rights and Race Relations Programs" in 42 different public schools in Manhattan.  [Here] WORD CHOICE he taught students non-violent [ways to fight back] USE MORE SPECIFIC LANGUAGE against racial discriminations and how to use government to affect social change.  Additionally, Garodnick represented 13 same-sex couples in search of marriage equality in the state of New York and sought and received funding to rebuild African-American churches in Georgia and Virginia burned by racially-motivated arson.

            Within Garodnick’s first year in council, the New York Times praised him for being a “champion of smarter redevelopment along the East River and a fighter for increased funding for the city’s public school students.”  In [just] OPINIONATED one year of being on the Council, Garodnick had established himself as the head-front in the fight for more affordable housing in Manhattan.  With a $4.5 billion tenant-backed bid, Garondnick’s first sign of success what his purchase of Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village. YOU ESTABLISH RACE AS CENTRAL/THEMATIC IN YOUR PIECE. I WOULD BE CURIOUS TO KNOW THE COUNCILMAN’S RACE AND MAYBE SOME BACKGROUND ON WHY HE IS SO INVESTED IN THESE CAUSES. GOOD QUOTE IN THIS GRAPH.

            Latley, Garondnick has been working on the increase of food venders at the city’s street fairs.  Responding to a Daily News report about the three “street fair kinds” who run two-thirds of the city’s fairs, Garondnick said:

“There’s a value to lett[er]OMIT ing pedestrians take over the streets, but there should be more for residents than row after row of vendors selling the same thing” 

            Proposing a package of bills in an[d] OMIT effort to force the fairs to change their acts, Garodnick’s bills requires all street fairs to draw at least 20% of their venders from the local community.  Any fair operators who exceeded the 20% minimum would receive a discount on city fees.

            In addition, [the bills aim to improve] AWKWARD the way the city announces street closers, and outlines a program to test fairs with booths running [down the cent] ??? of the street. I LIKE THIS SPECIFIC DETAIL. IT STRENGTHENS YOUR PIECE.

            “We’ve got to ask ourselves what we’re getting out of big corporate street fairs,” Garodnick told the Daily News, “and unfortunately, the answer is not enough.” THIS LAST QUOTE WOULD BEST SERVE THE PIECE IF IT CAME SOONER. ALMOST SEEMS TACKED ON HERE AT THE END.

Edit: Councilwoman Melissa Mark Viverito

Melissa Mark Viverito now in her second term on New York City Council represents district 8 (East Harlem, the Upper West Side, Mott Haven a part of the Bronx, Randalls Island, Wards Island and Central Park in its entirety). what is the lede?/awkward sentence transition Born in Puerto Rico, Viverito moved to New York when she was 18 to attend Columbia University. She describes herself as an “activist” who was always involved in “grass roots efforts and organizing” why are 'activist' and 'grass roots efforts and onganizing' in quotes? are these in yours or someone else's words? and didn’t think of a career in politics till someone in the community approached her with the idea.

Viverito is actively involved in issues regarding housing, park safety, hazardous waste removal, police interaction with minorities and immigrant communities and has actively been involved in passing legislature that effects the rights of tenants directly giving them the right to sue landlords; Most recently Viverito was involved in supporting a law that demands building employees who are receiving any sort of financial assistance from the government receive a living-wage (Int 18). WC/rephrase A few of her recent efforts include locating housing for homeless and low income residents by establishing an annual census for vacant buildings.

In addition Viverito is one of four city council members who uses “participatory budgeting”, a system that gives members of the community the voting power to chose where government money is applied in their neighborhood, differing from the old system where council members reviewed applications for funding from groups and organizations and then passed them on to the mayor’s office. This whole paragraph seems out of place.

While her second term just out of curiosity, how long are the terms? in office (first elected in 2005) suggests Viverito has many supporters there are some who vocally denounce her actions. rephrase/contradictory

Justice in El Barrio explain what JEB is is a group out of East Harlem focused on protesting the displacement of immigrants and marginalized communities by housing developments and other factors of gentrification; the group has targeted council woman Viverito directly “denouncing” her and labeling her a “sell out” again, who is saying this? for her support of plans they feel will uproot the community.

“She says she is for the community but continuously supports bills that displace the community,” a member of Jusice in El Barrio said of the council woman. I want to read/hear more about this!

One plan Justice in El Barrio is referring to is the rezoning of east 125th street that would allow for denser development, critics of the plan say that new development will result in luxury condos uprooting local businesses and longtime residents of the area and that the plan doesn’t consider affordable housing . Another plan the organization calls attention to is the expansion of Columbia University which they feel will displace residents and offer little to the existing community. Want to hear/read more of this since there seems to be a bit of conflict.

“She feels strongly that people are in the street expressing their views” said Joe Teranto, Viverito’s deputy chief of staff and a current student at Milano The New School for Management and Urban Policy.

After asking me if our words were going to be on record he said he’s enjoyed working for the council woman the 2 1/2 years he’s been working for her “I support the issues she stands for...I feel like she does a lot for her district and all of the greater New York.” Could end it better.

The most interesting thing that stuck out to me and wanted to know more about is the ongoing conflict with Viverito and The Justice in El Barrio. More in depth info on the community and Columbia University would help support what they say about her. Also, transition and structure can be improved.

Re: New York City Council Member Margaret Chin

Margaret Chin has been the District 1 council member since January 2010. Chin, a Democrat, was the first Asian American woman elected to city council. (THE FIRST TWO SENTENCES COULD BE TURNED INTO ONE TO GET THE READER INTERESTED MORE QUICKLY) She has been actively participating in the fight to protect schools, senior citizens, and community organizations from budget cuts, having “called on Albany to support an additional surcharge on the top 2% of New York households,” according to her city council website.

Chin moved to the United States with her family from Hong Kong, China, when she was nine years old. Chin grew up in Chinatown, attending P.S. 130 and JHS 65 (THESE ARE A LITTLE CONFUSING IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE SCHOOL SYSTEM) for school. After attending the Bronx High School of Science, she attended the City College of New York, receiving a degree in education.

Following college, Chin became very active in enriching the rights of Asian immigrants. She helped found Asian Americans for Equality, a group that was designed to help Asian Americans and other immigrants who were in need. Chin served as the president of the group from 1982 until 1986. Chin also worked at a continuing education community college, helping immigrants get a college education. (A BIT REPETITIVE W/ THE WORDS "COLLEGE" AND "EDUCATION") Chin’s father came to America before the rest of his family did, and his struggles during that time period have always motivated Chin (SOURCE/QUOTE?) to helping improve the quality of life for immigrants.

District 1 in Manhattan in made up of the lowest parts of Manhattan. Canal Street serves as its northern border, going all the way down to the bottom of Manhattan. District 1 includes the Financial District, Battery Park City, Tribeca, Ellis Island, and Governor’s Island. (ALL THIS INFO IS A LITTLE OVERWHELMING AT THIS POINT. COULD THIS PARAGRAPH BE MOVED/SOMEHOW INTERTWINED WITH ANOTHER PARAGRAPH?)

Chin has been dealing (DEALING HOW? POSITIVE/NEGATIVE?), as has everybody in the area, with Occupy Wall Street. She has come under fire recently for not marching with on Zuccotti Park with other members of the City Council, despite being one of the most liberal members of the Council. Multiple articles have sighted (CITED?) that while in college, Chin was a member of the Communist Workers Party. (THIS IS INTERESTING - ANY MORE BACKGROUND INFO WOULD BE GREAT) Her response for why she was not at the march was due to a “scheduling conflict”, adding, “I have been to so many marches.”

Chin also serves as the Lower Manhattan Redevelopment Committee Chair, having recently conducted a research project about furthering preliminary cancer research. Chin is married to Alan Tung, a public school teacher, and has a son, Kevin, who graduated from Syracuse University. (I FEEL LIKE THIS PARAGRAPH IS OUT OF PLACE AND DOESN'T END THE ARTICLE VERY SMOOTHLY. IF ALL THE INFO ABOUT HER FAMILY/BACKGROUND WOULD BE IN ONE PARAGRAPH, IT COULD BE EASIER TO FOLLOW.  SOME MORE QUOTES FROM HER WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD. IN GENERAL, I THOUGHT THIS PIECE WAS A GREAT SUMMARY OF HER AS A COUNCIL MEMBER. THE STRUCTURE'S A LITTLE CONFUSING, ALTHOUGH THE LAYOUT'S GREAT!)

STORY EDIT: New York City Council Member Margaret Chin

Margaret Chin has been the District 1 council member since January 2010. Chin, a Democrat, was the first Asian American woman elected to city council(CONSIDER MAKING THIS YOUR FIRST SENTENCE? IT IS MORE COMPELLING) She has been actively participating in the fight to protect schools, senior citizens, and community organizations from budget cuts, having “called on Albany to support an additional surcharge on the top 2% of New York households,” according to her city council website.

Chin moved to the United States with her family from Hong Kong, China, when she was nine years old. Chin grew up in Chinatown, attending P.S. 130 and JHS 65 for school. After attending the Bronx High School of Science, she attended the City College of New York, receiving a degree in education(CAPITALIZE EDUCATION?).

Photo courtesy of council.nyc.gov

Following college, Chin became very active in enriching the rights of Asian immigrants. She helped found Asian Americans for Equality, a group that was designed to help Asian Americans and other immigrants who were in need. Chin served as the president of the group from 1982 until 1986. Chin also worked at a continuing education community college, helping immigrants get a college education. Chin’s(BE WARY OF REPETITION IN SENTENCES. THIS IS THE THIRD SENTENCE IN A ROW THAT BEGINS WITH 'CHIN') father came to America before the rest of his family did, and his struggles during that time period have always motivated Chin to helping improve the quality of life for immigrants(HOW DO WE KNOW IT HAS ALWAYS MOTIVATED HER? DO YOU HAVE A SOURCE?).

District 1 in Manhattan in made up of the lowest parts of Manhattan. Canal Street serves as its northern border, going all the way down to the bottom of Manhattan. District 1 includes the Financial District, Battery Park City, Tribeca, Ellis Island, and Governor’s Island(I QUESTION THE PLACEMENT OF THIS PARAGRAPH. IT IS A ROUGH TRANSITION RIGHT NOW. IS THERE A WAY TO WEAVE THIS INFO INTO ANOTHER PARAGRAPH, IN A WAY THAT CONTINUES THE NARRATIVE AND DOES NOT MOMENTARILY INTERRUPT IT?).

Chin has been dealing, as has everybody in the area, with Occupy Wall Street('DEALING' CAN HAVE A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION. FURTHERMORE, I THINK THE 'AS HAS  EVERYBODY IN THE AREA' NEGATES THE PARTICULAR SITUATION SHE IS IN THAT YOU DESCRIBE IN THE NEXT SENTENCE).. She has come under fire recently for not marching with on Zuccotti Park with other members of the City Council, despite being one of the most liberal members of the Council. Multiple articles have sighted that while in college, Chin was a member of the Communist Workers Party(CAN THIS BE EXTENDED? IT IS A RATHER BIG PIECE OF INFO THAT WILL DISTRACT THE READER IF IT IS CASUALLY MENTIONED IN A LONG PARAGRAPH). Her response for why she was not at the march was due to a “scheduling conflict”, adding, “I have been to so many marches.”(NICE QUOTE. AND GREAT LAYOUT, BY THE WAY).

Chin also serves as the Lower Manhattan Redevelopment Committee Chair, having recently conducted a research project about furthering preliminary cancer research. Chin is married to Alan Tung, a public school teacher, and has a son, Kevin, who graduated from Syracuse University(THIS PIECE HAS A RATHER ABRUPT ENDING. I THINK INFORMATION ABOUT HER FAMILY SHOULD BE PLACED MUCH EARLIER, AND HER OTHER WORK DOES NOT SEEM TO BE THE FOCUS OF THE PIECE. WHAT WOULD YOU CONSIDER THE FOCUS? WHAT ISSUE IS SHE MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT? I WAS NOT SURE. YOU PROVIDE GREAT INFO ON HER FIGHT FOR PROTECTION AGAINST BUDGET CUTS, ENHANCING RIGHTS FOR ASIAN IMMIGRANTS, AND FURTHERING PRELIMINARY CANCER RESEARCH. HOWEVER, I COULD NOT DISCERN WHICH PARTICULAR ISSUE WAS THE FOCAL POINT. YOU SAY SHE IS ONE OF THE MOST LIBERAL MEMBERS OF THE COUNCIL. DO YOU THINK A POSSIBLE FOCUS COULD BE A CONTRAST BETWEEN HER LIBERAL REPUTATION AND HER RELUCTANCE TO EMBRACE THE OWS MOVEMENT? I FOUND THAT TO BE THE MOST COMPELLING ANGLE.)

Schools Leave Teaching Wall Street to Parents

Photo Credit: Associated Press

               “I know people are sleeping over at a park.” Said 7-year-old Cloe Davis who is a second grader at Little Red School House in the West Village. “But I don’t know why,” she added. All evidence shows that lower schools have left the education of the Occupation on Wall Street to the parents. [maybe be more clear- what is a lower school? Also, that is a strong statement, to say that all evidence shows that schools have left it to parents, can you back it up?]

               Schools have been vague about teaching the Wall Street protest to children. It is a debate as to whether the protest should be discussed at all in schools. But there are many alternative sources to aid parents in their attempt to explain what it means.

               

               On October 10^th all of the lower schools in Manhattan were off to celebrate the day Columbus is said to have discovered the Americas. However, a group of PTA parents from the Four Central Park East II Elementary School brought their children made to Zuccotti Park, in an event they named ‘Un-Columbus Day’ according to alternet.org. According to [try not to avoid repeating phrases] the Occupation’s website, October 14^th marked another family day in order to educate children. [check the grammar on this sentence. I am also confused as to what this Un-Columbus Day event had to do with the OWS protests]

               It is not clear whether schools are teaching the protest, though one teacher in Zuccotti park held up a sign last night that read ‘Inform, not Reform.’ There are safety and political reasons why teachers are not allowed to bring their children down to Wall Street. Though there were many teachers with their own children on 'Un-Columbus Day.' [This starts to feel wishy-washy. It's not clear whether they're providing OWS information to students, so how can we assume that parents have assumed the responsibility? Also, try to specify if the kids are students of the teacher, or the teacher's actual kids..]

         Others believe that, especially for Lower School, [what is Lower School?] the protest should not be dealt with in the classroom. “It’s hard for them to understand.” Said Marie, a Secretary at Spruce Street School an elementary school on Spruce Street located near City Hall. A representative of Brooklyn Friends School of Downtown Brooklyn said she wasn't sure, but added, "I'm sure that some classes might be doing something on the protest."

               Sarah Casselle the President of the PTA committee of P.S. 89 insisted that children are not learning or talking about it if they are not directly faced with it every day. [That sentence is confusing. How can the principal be sure that children aren't talking about it? What do you mean by "being faced" with it]  P.S. 89 is located Warren Street on the Lower West side of Manhattan, several blocks away from the park. According to Casselle, it is for this reason that her son is not asking about it. Casselle said, “P.S. 89 is quite a few blocks away and several physical barriers away from the protest.” She added, “my son doesn’t come home discussing the protest with his friends.”

            According to Casselle, the protest is not in school policy and should be left for home discussion with parents. She added that her son looks through newspapers and is informed by that as well.

Though many schools do not advertise discussions of the Occupation, parents are being encouraged to educate their children through bringing their own children to protest locations, or with with alternative sources on the web such as videos on youtube.com. [I understand that the piece is about parents taking on responsibility, but the evidence to back that up seems to be inconclusive compared to your opening declaration that "all evidence" points to at-home discussions only.] The young adult writer Lemony Snicket, best known for her Series of Unfortunate Events book recently published a book that attempts to describe the protest to children entitled The Lump of Coal, according to the Washington Post. [I see the relevance of the Lemony Snicket book, but I don't think it's a strong ending to a piece that isn't directly related. Maybe the piece could have ended on a quote to sum everything up as cleanly as possible]

RE: IBM's Invitation to THINK

[The IBM THINK Exhibit celebrating the company’s centennial, open until October 23 at Lincoln Center, aims to teach visitors “how to make the world better.”AWK, WHY IS THERE HALF A QUOTE? WHO SAID THAT? ALSO, WHEN DID IT START?] The exhibit discusses using technology as solutions to problems such as traffic congestion, air pollution and airport efficiency just to name a few.

Bruno Bagala, an [“IBMer”WHAT IS AN “IBMER”?] at THINK wearing an “Ask Me” badge around his neck, explained that the exhibit was [“not to tout IBM for our centennial, but to talk about technology” I WANT THE FULL QUOTE.] and [how that technology can solve problems people didn’t recognize as problems or always thought were too expensive to tackle. AWK.]

THINK is open to the public and inviting due to its prominent position on Broadway between 64^th and 65^th Street. Visible from the road is the first part of the exhibit, a 123-foot digital data wall that dynamically draws information from New York City and visualizes it in aesthetic patterns and moving infographics. One THINK employee explained how the solar energy visualization worked: there were sensors on the roof of the Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center that calculated how much potential energy could have been generated in the last 24 hours if there were solar panels installed. Opposite the digital wall is a series of panels that explain certain portions of the display in detail and discusses real ways technology has been put to use to improve the world. [Bagala explained that there is no mention of IBM on these panels and that some of the technology is from their competitors. WHAT COMPETITORS? WHO?]

While the outdoors portion is constantly on view, there are also timed sessions that include a ten-minute film and a twenty-five minute interactive session within the space under the Lincoln Center Plaza. [The ten-minute film is easily the most attractive and awe-inspiring portion of THINK. OPINION.] [Another “IBMer” within the space said she met a visitor who had come from Atlanta to see the exhibit. CAN YOU INTERVIEW THE VISITORS DIRECTLY AS OPPOSED TO GETTING THE INFO FROM THE IBMer?] [What really moved her was when a man who works with at-risk kids in the city came and told her the film had given him hope. IS THERE A QUOTE?] For ten minutes, surround sound and 40 screens show a film that outlines the history of human innovation and looks at the areas of food, medicine and transportation to discuss current and future technological solutions. With close-up portraits, detailed shots of nature, a sequence on outerspace, and a 360 view of Chicago—[this film is a creative, beautiful work of art. THIS IS STARTING TO SOUND A LITTLE LIKE A REVIEW…]

After the film ends, each of the 40 screens turn into interactive touch screens focused on one of the five approaches THINK defines as the pattern of progress: Seeing, Mapping, Understanding, Believing and Acting. Each screen displays the information differently; Seeing is a long illustrated timeline of human inventions and Acting is a movable globe pinpointing ways things are being done “better” around the world. Perhaps the only section with obvious injection of how IBM is a part of this global movement for betterment is in the Believing display, where visitors can choose to hear specific “leaders in world changing initiatives.” [The exhibit employee explained that some of the projects are IBM affiliated and at least two of the leaders are “IBMers.” SOME ARE AFFILIATED? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?]

[She, like Bagala, repeatedly said that THINK “downplayed the IBM thing.” SHE? WHO? CONFUSING, I ALSO DON”T UNDERSTAND WHAT “DOWNPLAYED THE IBM THING” MEANS.] [The purpose of THINK, according to her, was to “see what people think about technology,” and she pointed out how each interactive screen included a poll visitors could take. IS THERE A FULL QUOTE?] The portion of the exhibit that discussed IBM at length, as she promoted it, was the last section, which showed 100 IBM icons in a timeline of how the company has been a part of social and technological change in the last century. Visitors, after exiting the film space, filed past this portion quickly. Key moments in IBM’s history that Bagala mentioned were the company being one of the first to hire women engineers and to have an equal opportunity policy prior to the passage of the Us Civil Rights Act. [Bagala, saying again that THINK was “not to tout IBM,” explained the company’s rationale for the exhibit as being a “celebration” and though at times they had strayed, this was a part of their history as “a company about change and breakthrough.” IS THERE A FULL QUOTE?]

A lot of great descriptions about the exhibit itself, but it reads a little like a review. You only have 2 main sources in this story, Bagala and “she”; but we never get a full quote from either of them. You have a lot of scattered quotes, and we don’t know if you added those quotation marks for emphasis or if you are quoting someone. I think if you had quotes from the visitors themselves that would be great! NICE PHOTO!